January 11, 2006
OUR LIVERPOOL CORRESPONDENT
"I think someone might steal those blocks. Please try to disguise them. Make them look like a lady in a skirt."
Kevin Sampson writes to tell us us about his 2005, and appends a brief guide to his novels.
"The accident was as follows. I took the absurd decision to lop a bush that had grown wild. I'm not a person that warms to any type of manual labour, and as for working outdoors...no chance. But this bush was vexing me. I decided that it had to go, so I borrowed one of those strimmer-saws. So unaccustomed am I to the workings of such instruments that, during the acclimatisation stage, I 'skinned' the protective plastic coating on the cable. I only know this now, of course. So picture the scene: 240 volts of power surging through a naked cable. All it needed was for some galoot to place his hand on the live wire. This is precisely what took place. I took up the slack on the cable, nimbly gripping the exposed wire. I became a part of the electrical circuit, frazzling gaily while the world span on its axis. The cutter, of course, went out of control: I could neither direct it nor drop it as a result of the electro-magnetic whatever that held me in its centre. For as long as I could stay conscious - and I was expiring rapidly, already contemplating the banality of my own death - I tried to duck my head out of the saw's path. I succeeded - but only in so far as that, instead of chopping my head off, the rampant scythe just hacked my shoulder to bits instead. It was truly horrific. I smelt myself smouldering.
You should take the books in the following order - Awaydays, Outlaws, Powder, Clubland, Freshers, Leisure. Leisure is fairly insubstantial, though lots of fun. It was my third novel and I admit it; I was becoming tired of having to explain to my nippers why Daddy wrote Sex Books! As noble a motive as any, I think you'll find."
Posted by Sasha at January 11, 2006 04:59 PM | TrackBack