Dear Ms. Yakult:
Thanks for your response. Electronic mail is much, much faster than those little cards I have been sending you for the last few years. And thank you for letting me take that survey. (That pop-up gopher game was fun!)
Anyway, I was prepared—no, EXCITED!—to wire your organization a generous contribution, but when I arrived at the bank this morning, I discovered that my account had been “compromised.” Apparently, someone at the bank who never had any business touching my money in the first place lent it to someone with no money of their own who promised to give my bank even more money that nobody ever really had. This process, surprisingly, made everyone involved nervous, so they closed down the banks—and “firms,” which are sort of like your company, I think?—and went out for Cinnabons, which I have to pay for. Nobody knows where my money is.
I look forward to selling my furniture and appliances on the street. Once I’ve done that, I will put all the cash in a little plastic bag and send it to the address on the Yakult bottle that I have been using as a lunchbox.
PO Box 879645384685