March 29, 2005
THINGS I LEARNED IN MIAMI
(All photos courtesy of Tricia Romano.)
If you have own a club and you are unsure who to book, book MU. When MU is done performing, book MU again. Repeat until Grace Jones shows up. And then boook MU again.
People will tell you "Omigod, it's never like this," and then say, "Oh, this is just how South Beach is, every day." You will have to make the call.
Being on a "guest list" and having a "press badge" at the Winter Music Conference is like being mugged and having a "super power ring" on your finger. The physical doodad has no effect on the social reality.
You can make a killer top by sewing a guitar strap to a common pink sleeveless shirt and hooking the strap over your neck.
Some people party like this, and some people party like this.
Fubu made some kick-ass pink and white sneakers a few years ago. The pink part is leather waffle weave. Unexpected.
If you attend a two hour DJ set at the Adidas store, you will not leave alone.
Cocaine can make nine people appear out of nowhere and fill up a room, like a reverse David Blaine meets the VW circus clowns trick.
Electronic music buddies are totally comfortable talking about endorsements, commercials, co-sponsorship and all manner of mersh madness. Even bringing up the hint of the Marxist spiderweb just gets you the smiley e-face: "What, bro?" (Add hugs as needed.)
People really say "Do you have any cold Red Bull left? Really cold?
Some women who walk around in black teeny kinis have no problem yelling Fucking rapist" at car trolls.
If you take your family to Miami during WMC, you are totes insane.
"In Dade County, we are allowed to double up during especially busy times. We just have to agree on the fare before we begin. Ten dollars seems fair. That seems good for a trip to the Wyndham. With the congestion, people just wont go out if they cant get where theyre going, and that's bad for the city. Were allowed to do this. Its great. I paid off $5000 on my Sears credit card last week.
I have no idea what a fair price for a trip from the Wyndham to The Surfcomber is.
You cannot walk from here to there. Don't memorize any set of directions that begins "You walk down Collins eighteen blocks..."
You need to learn your photo face. You think you're above the narcissism, and then somebody takes your picture and all you can think about for the rest of night is "Did I look like that dude from The Grifters?"
Do not take lipgloss application lessons in a moving car from someone who has recently snorted cocaine.
Prodigy from Mobb Deep and The Alchemist, though neither tall nor very dancey, roll through M.I.A. in a long white limo.
DJ Hell is one motherfucking DJ.
Your correspondent is not mad at Miami.
Posted by Sasha at March 29, 2005 02:40 PM | TrackBack