S/FJ

I LOOK LIKE UTFO, ONE OF THEM DUDES FROM BACK IN THE DAYS

“The Educated Clapper is housing your coconut spray.”

“Didn’t I tell you don’t touch the sides? I’m going bald on top! You’re lucky you cool.”

NON-GHOSTFACE CONTENT (THOUGH I WOULD LIKE TO TO SEE A FUG WU POST):

Here is a perfectly imagined conversation. We believe it actually happened and will tell everyone so.

ANTICIPATORY AFFINITIES

THE GRAMMYS

(Several critics were invited to review the Grammys on Charlie Rose, but there were problems with footage costs or rights, and it didn’t happen. The below is nothing more than a Post-It, rendered while remembering.)

Madonna was adorable, against expectations, especially in light of her breaking and entering. But, as she often is, she was right to Soprano the joint and be all “I’m not coming unless it’s my party,” even though Mariah probably was all like “I’ll take my 5.2 million, Madge, and you can keep the riding crop and yr five minutes” and the Academy was all, “Whatevs, this homo dance album will never break platinum.” “Hung Up” sounds like her umpteenth right song at the right moment and if Gorillaz haven’t updated their 3D sequence since Barcelona European MTV Awards, give them a minute. It takes ages to draw those things.

Alicia Keys—the part where she makes records is not so good, but she and Stevie were actually impromptuesque on the impromptu “Higher Ground.” Things get blurry after this because Leo Sayer played with a band that sounded like the second Big Country album. The band is apparently called Coldplay. Then we got super confused when Kool Moe Dee took the stage with that “Thank You List,” and got the biggest comedy limpy of the night. NOBODY LIKES YOU, DUDE.

Kelly Clarkson pulled the Sally Field card, except she can sing, and in two acceptance speeches, she skipped seven spaces. It’s your ballgame, Ms. Clarkson. U2—are you surprised the voters busted a nut? Twenty-seven years in, no personnel change, and they’re having the biggest hits of their career? It’s the boomer dream, peaking in November. The “song of the year” is pap, the first two singles were tight. Still not an album.

Who was the mohawk dude who wasn’t Sly?

THIS IS MY ARM, THIS IS MY LEG

Second wave: Ben Greenman, Dave Tompkins, John Griffin, Andy Hawkins. Many thanks.

I love the beat for "The Corner," and the "I wish I could give you this feeling" line, which is like "Sometimes I think that I'm bigger than the sound" from "Cheated Hearts": a line that twists back to prove and disprove itself. You have already given me this feeling, Mr. West, or a feeling, at least, so what do you mean? Are we have parallel, but distinct experiences? (Can I not understand the lyric?) And when Karen O is "bigger than the sound," it is only because of the sound. So, mortality, and the temporary immortality—or placelessness—of the song.