S/FJ

NO MORE SYRUP FOR YOU, YOUNG MAN

"What do you think of Asa's face? I think he's cute. His face looks like mint chocolate chip."

"What do you mean?"

"Like, child, the sound of the word "child" is like a 3D chocolate moon."

"I understand."

NOW WE ARE SIX

"Dad, is the world real, or is someone just really good at drawing?"

"Well, I don't know. I feel pretty real. Do you feel real?"

"Yeah, but it's like TV because someone is timing me."

SHELF LIFE

Have Mojave 3 always sounded like The Bats? I did not expect to last through twelve tracks. A second hearing may change my mind, but it's the first CD out of 36 to stick.

“Get Down Like That” (remix) is what Ne-Yo needs to stay on: Michael Jackson, Sam Cooke, and Ghostface all in one place.

I don't know how long it's going to last with Danielle Peck. When it ends, it will have something to do with Jesus, even though he's a better muse than booze. For her.

Rumble Strips are notable for being the first band I've heard to rip off the first Dexy's album, and for nothing else.

I don't know what's weirdest about Ak'sent. That she seems to have learned how to rap by listening to late Naughty By Nature? That she covers Kris Kross's “Jump” as “Krunk,” even though that trend has already shipped, sold and gone through returns? That her first single, “Zingy,” works so well? We have our own Ms. Dynamite now (unless she's from Sweden, which wouldn't shock me).

Lil J maybe wants to be lil again.

ERRATUM

A close reader named Alexander Stevens pointed out an error in the Ghostface piece. Ghostface is not “the only member of the group to have had a doll produced in his likeness.” These action figures predate the Ghostface doll, though I am not sure these figures constitute a “likeness” of anyone in the Wu-Tang Clan. Those dudes look like Boo-Yaa T.R.I.B.E.

A NUTRITIOUS BREAKFAST

Ben passes on this clip of the 1964 Stones doing some 1964 rent-paying with the Kellogg folks. I say we can have this Stones, and the bad, evil, treacle-eating, leather-wearing Stones and not suffer. There is room for both, just as there is room for both a critical take on a song’s provenance and an irrational, full-body love for that song. Until the people (you should bust me right now for saying "the people") learn that “critical” is not the same thing as “being pointlessly mean to people,” the assertion of, and attention to, pleasantly dissonant states of being like these will have to be reasserted.

(Does anyone have a reliable guitar tab for Wham!'s “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go”? The original seems to be have been written on a keyboard, and the translation from one realm to the other is beyond my feeble skills.)

HI, MY NAME IS

Danger Mouse. I made a record once by infringing on various copyrights. This record got me some press. Then a lot of famous people got in touch with me. I got more press. My new CD is sort of funny. Not ha-ha funny—though I am down with laffs, LOL!—but funny as in money funny. You have to call seven lawyers before even looking at it. Then you can get on a waiting list to open the case. Then you can maybe hear it. See it up there? Don't look! Music is a medium for asserting ownership, silly rabbit!

THIS ON THAT

DJ A-Trak's "Oh No You Didn't!" is good, if we use an average ruler that measures basic attributes—good mixing, restrained use of crabs or wiggly worms or whatever the fuck it is turntablists do to impress each other. It is great for three other things, which are choices and ideas: liberal use of Orbit's massive 1982 electro remake of "And The Beat Goes On," the laying of Biggie's "Hypnotize" over Scritti Politti's "Hypnotize" and a passage of segues that begins with "Tour De France," drags along M.I.A. and then spends some quality time in Miami before Dizzee and Sovereign jump in. Webheads addicted to newness will fall terribly asleep. Others are likely to move their behinds, or at least jiggle slightly as they participate in the workforce.

And Ghostheads: Remember "The Watch" and "The Sun"? (Both are now available all semi-legally and shit, here.) This time it's "Can Can" and "Charlie Brown." I assume that "Hidden Darts III" will address this problem.

TODAY'S MENU

A cranberry Snapple*, a $15 mojito, and a chocolate Martini.

*A banana Nutrament may be substituted at the management's discretion.

GET YOUR LAPTOPS READY

"All in your stomach right now."

TRANSPORTATION ALTERNATIVES

An interview with our excellent friend Neil Goldberg, who has a new show at Sara Meltzer. You will be able to relate. (Hopefully a post soon about Monday's Rakim show, which was one of the worst club experiences I've ever had [within the sample of shows that don't involve people getting hurt].)