S/FJ

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

"Dude, dude."

"Dude?"

"We got this."

"How?"

"There's major CAKE in this LCD sound."

"True."

"And, like, like, like a CREW, we could fucking take dude's corner, just BLAOUW! right in front of him. We do it like MCD and NCD, and divvy up the work."

"......"

"What?"

"Couldn't we just—"

"MAN UP. You did this last time, with the No No Nos. Do this with me, man. Look at how snap music took off. We can DO THIS. We don't even have to SING."

"....."

"I hear you SNOOZING. DON'T LOSE. It is called THE SOUND OF SILVER for, like, money made of silver."

"True."

STAGE AND SCREEN

"Dad, Blue Man Group was like a smaller version of a real English soccer game. You know how it got really loud sometimes? That's how loud a soccer game is, but all the time."

STAGE AND SCREEN

[Humming in shower.]

"You’re singing 'Sweet Escape'."

"What is she escaping from?"

"Nothing in particular. Maybe she’s had a bad week and she’s escaping the city, you know, getting away and going somewhere warm."

"Is she escaping Akon?"

"No, he sings the song with her."

"When they were on American Idol, they were really far apart on stage. I think maybe she is escaping Akon."

[Silence. More lathering.]

"Dad, a lot of songs feature Akon."

READING ROOM

We know the author, but that is not why we recommend this book. We recommend it because fiction has lately been giving us a headache, and Ben's book does not. This is also bonkersly good, though completely unlike Greenman's book. These two approaches to fiction are unlike in almost every way, except that they are both conceived and executed with extreme force and style.

MY EYES GLEAM

"Greatest rapper alive." "Greatest rapper this quarter." These ideas exist to generate debate and pack out your uncle's comments box. But when I hear someone say they don't like Wayne, I don't know what they mean. You don't want to hear him say words? What does it mean to say he "can't rap"? People said about Nelly, too. What is that? (The answer has something to do with men fearing other men's sexual appeal, and a gendered reception of writerliness that looks for an aggressively non-melodic cadence to signal that writerliness. NYC's version of this, a hammering typewriter style that Nas helped to inscribe, is exactly what Southern rap undid.)

Wayne, right now—as Nelly once was, as Ice Cube once was, as Rakim was—is in the zone where every thing he says is totally compelling, no matter how daft. It's largely a voice issue but not only.

HULLOS

The “Daydream Nation” deluxxxe reissue will contain Sonic Youth’s version of The Beatles’s “Within You Without You,” which is the recording that got this whole Kill vs. Owns thing going (in my head). Unlike some of my esteemed correspondents, I don’t think it is easy to Own a Beatles song. My list of successful Beatle colonizations might be: zero.

WHEN YOU WERE MINE

IS THE WORD

Co-signing on Sean Fennessey, here. What person said “No, that’s no good, leave it off.”? A COCONUTS PERSON. Though, um: Why does Timbaland, at the very end of the track, call people who are looking for this song “bitches”? Is he calling gently to ladies who like him? Or is he using the more familiar, derogatory version of the word to insult his fans? Either way, Timbaland’s work here reinforces his position as a) producer of the century and b) least appealing performer in pop music.

A question for other in-house salespersons: Why wasn’t “U + Ur Hand” the first single? U R OPERATING NEAR INHALANTS BUT STILL ALLOWED TO SIGN CHECKS. YPER GENIUS.

LIQUIDITY

Our old friend, Richard McGuire, recently had an exhibit at the Kunstmuseum in Luzern, Switzerland, which he described as a "kind of a mini-retrospective." (The accompanying pictures after the jump are all his.)

MY BACK PAGES

Genji Siraisi was the first person I ever saw play the drums live. He went to my school and played in a band called Pandemonium. One day, at noon, Pandemonium performed in a theater on the fourth floor. They played “Jumpin’ Jack Flash.” It was easily the most astonishing thing that had happened since my last mugging. Why were these people being allowed to play ROCK MUSIC in a school, our school? And, more importantly, how did they figure out where to put their fingers to make the noises that are “Jumpin’ Jack Flash”?

I sat on a black wooden bleacher watching Pandemonium play. I wanted to work up the guts to ask the guitar player—Jeff Tischler, an ENTIRE rade above me—how to play “Jumpin’ Jack Flash.” (I am terrible at figuring out other people’s songs.) I did not. Genji was unbelievably good—this may have something to do with my early fixation on drumming. Knowing little, I already knew he was better than most.

Now he does this, which I know nothing about. He helped form Groove Collective in 198something. 90something?

One night several years later, in high school, I ended up at Genji’s house. We had just left a party where I had managed to make out with a cute girl in the grade above me. Genji and his friends got me high and we listened to John Coltrane’s “Live at the Village Vanguard Again!“ and Miles Davis’s “The Man With The Horn.” The Coltrane sounded like the most incredible music I’d ever heard. When I found the real album, I was disappointed that it did not replicate the original, stoned experience. I did not know what to think of the Miles. Some of it sounded great; some of it sounded like music that I thought I didn’t like. At one point, I went into the kitchen and found a skillet full of a chicken and bananas dish that Genji’s mother had prepared. I ate a lot of it and promptly threw up. I remember nothing else.

ALL TOGETHER NOW

LET'S START THIS WEEK RIGHT

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, PHILIP

One day late. Hey! (Snow is very microhouse.)

FRENZ EXPERIMENT

PEOPLE GET HEATED

Lil Wayne's work not only triggers major internets homophobia, it causes people to discuss ENGLISH RAP. If nobody cared, nobody would fight. Fite!

BAD TIMING

The disco 4 + cowbell is worth keeping alive. (By disco 4 + cowbell, I mean "Butterfly Who". If the vocal drives you crazy, just listen to the last 1:04.)

SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE

Björk: Chicken!

Matthew Barney: Vaseline!

Björk: Tunisia!

MB: Platinum jockstrap!

Björk: Plumage boots!

MB: Marzipan biteplate!

Björk: Arabian crunk!

[CHILD pecks Björk on nose for dinner.]

SLANG TEACHER

New favorite phrase—courtesy of Julika Rudelius. (I recommend her work, especially the piece that is included in Brooklyn Museum's Global Feminisms exhibit.) Here is the new word, in situ:

PERSON WE'VE JUST MET: OK, we're going to go over there now. You should stay and talk to Zelda, she loves compliments.

US: OK.

[Person leaves.]

JULIKA: We've just been parked.

THE KILLER

“Did that composition you performed on Saturday have a name?” I ask. “I’ll tell you what,” he says. “Call me back with a title and I’ll tell you if it’s the right one.”

GOOD MORNING, CAPTAINS

MAMA, DON'T LET YOUR BOYS GROW UP TO BE BOYS

A banger from Ed Banger. (Not new.) And here's another excellent Mehdi video. (Not new.)

SMITHEREENS

GOTTA WORK

COMMENTS ARE RETARDED

But this one redeems the whole idea: "I just want 1 noodle."

MEMO TO RAPPERS

1. T.I.: You are the Art Blakey of this game. (Metaphor shift alert.) Keep dancing across the barline like a marine running tires.

2. Akon: Please continue to appear on all records released in North America.

3. Rick Ross: What exactly the fuck are you doing? The only good thing about you, and it isn't much, is that "I am never going to entirely wake up" voice. You're getting aggro, Rick? You are having ideas, Rick? No, Rick, you're not. You need to repeat the same words over and over so you don't get confused. Being the Jim Jones of Miami is not the worst fate.

4. Fat Joe: Man, you are so psyched you had a bigger hit than Pun. You'll never say it, but you think it after every half-assed verse like this.

5. Baby: You don't look like a Baby. Think of name change: Big Baby, like a reverse Bow Wow.

5. Lil Wayne: It's startling when you're just good. Why did Swizz get the better verse? The bigger label? The better beat? Good choice. You're better than everyone here except for T.I. You can argue all you want with Jay-Z, but don't get too stroppy with Tip. He is not going anywhere.

6. Nate Hills: You're going to have some really tense conversations with Tim if you stay this hot.

7: DJ Khaled: Good looking on the phone calls.

(Please cc Papoose.)

UNSCRAMBLED EGG

Unbelievably, Ben seems to have discovered something no one else has, unless Google is broken: Gordon Sumner's son, Joe Sumner, has a band called Fiction Plane. This is an anagram of "Infant Police."