September 30, 2007
IN CASE ANYONE ON THE TEAM WAS CONFUSED
There. That is where you need to the hit the ball. Right there.
TIME TO BURN
Wright, Alou, Gomez, Reyes, Castro—anybody.
(Dear God: If this is payback for yesterday's brawl, remember—they started it.)
THIS WOULD NEVER HAVE HAPPENED
if Adames, the LEGAL mayor, were in charge. He would never have taken Pedro out against the Phillies last week. (We have no idea who Adames is—look for yourself.)
September 24, 2007
CRUSHING
I have a total crush on Katha Pollitt now.
And if anyone is unclear as to what Pollitt means by "social-justice movement," or why such a thing would still be necessary, try this piece of light reading.
September 23, 2007
BEST LINE READING OF THE YEAR
Freezepop’s “Do You Like Boys?”
“I once had a lover
who said that he
could not love just one girl,
but he could
not love
at all.”
September 22, 2007
September 21, 2007
BIRD WINS
Today’s host—Ben Greenman:
If you were a parrot, and you were just finishing up high school, where you had done okay but where you suffered from a lack of motivation, and your parents were on your ass to decide whether to go to community college or get a job; and your girlfriend was starting to talk too much about that guy Rob who worked at the record store and who was always trying to get into her pants; and the world was just a piece of shit on account of the president and the war and the corrupt assholes who were hiding around every corner; and you couldn’t even get good weed in your neighborhood; well, wouldn’t you join a death-metal band? Why should Hibernus Mortis get all the girls?
YOU: Hey, guys, it’s me.
GUITARIST: Oh. Hi.
[awkward silence]
YOU: Sorry about the other day. My stepfather was screaming all day and it put me in a bad mood. He won’t let me get a neck tattoo. Fascist.
GUITARIST: Isn’t fascist a good thing?
YOU: I guess. I don’t know. Hey, listen, can I come back to the band?
[awkward silence]
YOU: What? You’re not still mad, are you?
GUITARIST: No, I’m not mad. The thing is, we got another singer.
YOU: Already? What the hell, man? Who is it? Is it Rob? That guy from the record store?
GUITARIST: No, it’s not Rob.
YOU: Well, who then?
[Guitarist points]
YOU: What? Is there someone behind that curtain behind the parrot cage?
GUITARIST: No.
YOU: Well, is it the guy who made the parrot cage?
GUITARIST: No. It’s the parrot.
[awkward silence]
YOU: The? But... The?
[Parrot squawks triumphantly.]
Postscript, by staff writer, originally intended for the major label blog (coming soon):
Blues, hip-hop, punk, alt-country: what is the concrete difference between these genres? No matter how good an act is, it rarely gets far into a song before someone steps up and ruins the music with self-centered singing. As if love and sandwiches and subways and indoor plumbing weren’t reward enough for being alive—people have to go and sing about it.
Waldo will not.
Consider the following:
1. Waldo sounds really good over the noise his friends are making.
2. Hatebeak songs are in no way diminished by the lack of an identifiable human language.
3. Hatebeak has nowhere to go but up.
4. The Human Age is drawing to a close.
Bird wins.
September 20, 2007
September 19, 2007
BAKELITE BANGER
Santogold’s “Creator” was produced by Switch and FreQ Nasty. It is not new but it is my new donut. Switch produced much of “Kala” with Maya. I wish more of “Kala” sounded like “Creator.” Also: Santi White sings the chorus like she’s Keith out of The Prodigy.
Postscript: Mathew Johnson sends this update on the origins (or at least one) of the name Santo Gold. It is worth watching. If you do not know what is coming, there is little chance you will guess.
September 18, 2007
September 16, 2007
FREEEDOM '07
(Link from Wayne.)
“Unlike our parents, we have not grown up in isolation, cut off from the mainstream of Western culture by a long concrete wall and a paranoid police force. We have access to the HOTTEST music in the world!!! We live our lives TO THE FULLEST and express ourselves without fear in our bodies. FUNK 4EVER.”
September 15, 2007
I DO NOT LIKE ANYBODY EFFING WITH THIS SONG
But Bun B. sounds better over “Straight To Hell” than anybody who isn’t a gun.
September 14, 2007
CATALOG DAY
For my thirteenth birthday, my mom got me tickets to see Elvis Costello & The Attractions at the Palladium (now an NYU dorm). It was the "Trust" tour. My seats were in the highest, absolute last row of the venue, approximately 1.2 miles from the stage and probably parallel with the sixth floor of whatever building is across the street. Squeeze opened. Unlike two earlier, frustrating experiences seeing the Grateful Dead (weird family friend connection), this show was of the "I Would Like To Do This With My Life" variety. Squeeze = harder than the hardest, hard as hard can get. Costello & Attractions were a fire hydrant with the cap off, and the whole block (us) rode inflatable giraffes in the wake. Then it stopped and we went home.
I have been listening to "Trust" over and over for two days. Why did people continue making albums after this was released? Emotionally, I get it, but really. Holy narc basket on a Wasa cracker.
BACK IN THE DAY
That was really something, when record companies realized that they could use both Quark and Photoshop at the same time. Big up to Raygun, too. Eye-hurting layers coming back in 08, plus Grunge Fonts™.
September 13, 2007
EVIL EVIL EVIL
You need the Megasoid remix of Ghislain Poirer’s “No More Blood.” You will find it here. (The original post is two weeks old, so this MP3 is probably in the Library of Congress by now. Don’t let that stop you. A distorted sense of time will eff up your healthy party feelings. FIGHT BACK.)
September 12, 2007
GHOSTWRITERS
I don’t bite other kids’ material. The subject quoted below is not my child.
[SCENE: Academic party with faculty, students, and children present.]
“Hey, do you have any brothers or sisters?”
“No, but there’s a sister in my mommy’s tummy.”
“Does she have a name?”
“No.”
“Do you have any ideas?”
“Yes.”
“…..”
“…..”
“What are they?”
“I have three.”
“…..”
“…..”
“What are the names you came up with?”
“Evil Fire, Tammy and Ron.”
“One of those is much better than the others.”
“Yes. Ron.”
September 11, 2007
BRO—YOUR HYDRANT IS BEING BROVERSEEN
This made me cry and fall over. (Thanks, Jane.) I know—The Onion is funny. NOT A SCOOP. (Mystery: Why did they broverlook the bronanza?)
September 10, 2007
PICKLED INSANITY
During a brief three-band tour in 1995, I got to watch John Herndon play the drums every night.
September 06, 2007
LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR
During my two weeks in Amsterdam, I had the pleasure of meeting journalist Job de Wit, editor of State Magazine, podcaster for Revu magazine, and former DJ for VPRO. (The linked audio content is in Dutch. I can say “May we please have more water?” in Dutch, but I cannot write it down, and I cannot tell you what Job is on about in these podcasts. If he is insulting your favorite band, you will need to take that up with him.)
Today, Job sent me a link to this VPRO video session from May of 2006. It is footage of Green Gartside playing two and a half Scritti Politti songs in an elevator. Some of you will wonder how he has managed to keep that voice intact for almost thirty years. (This question is posed to Green during the session.) Some of you (like me) will wish the camera had panned down more often to reveal the guitar chords Green was playing. The rest of you can just marvel, multi-task, or Google Reader your bad selves on to the next entertainment pellet.
Job: “VPRO is one of about ten public broadcasters that operate through Holland’s three public television stations, and five public radio stations. Each of these stations-without-a-station has a channel director who manages to maintain each one as a coherent TV or radio channel. (For example, each station has its own members and publishes its own guides.) 3FM is the Dutch equivalent of BBC Radio 1. VPRO is the liberal/progressive broadcaster (“omroep”) and therefore does not broadcast until 10 PM so that listeners aren’t chased away by “alternative” programming.
Besides their TV/radio shows and TV guide/magazine, VPRO also publishes a number of websites on which they can do what they like. One of them is 3VOOR12, a pop website. This is where the elevator session with Green is from.”
Ui recorded a session for VPRO in either 1996 or 1999. This recording has been preserved on a DAT tape, which is sitting in a box, which is sitting in a storage space. The day I need to find a DAT machine will be an amusing day.
